Though serious talk of reproducing is still at a time way in the future (at least a year), Mrs. Geek and I do occasionally like to talk about what we might name our children. She and I are both decidedly old fashioned in our choice of names; we stick to a hearty core of traditional Christian names common to Western and Eastern Europe. We might name our children Michael or Barbara, but definitely not Chime or Pussywillow. We even occasonally grow weary of the “new” popular children’s names like Morgan, Kyle, Dylan and Tyler.
We also tend to chuckle at some of the choices that celebrities make when naming their children. Gwynneth Paltrow named her child “Apple”, for example. The choice of “Maddox” by Angelina Jolie at least moves beyond the range of inanimate objects, but is still a tad unusual (granted, less unusual than the rest of her life — unless it is a Polynesian slang word for “sex magick” or something.) “Banjo” by Rachel Griffiths is just inexcusable, though “Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q” by Bono is questionable, but more reasonable. “Prince Michael” (I & II) by Michael Jackson speaks volumes. I don’t know quite what to make of the fact that George Foreman named all his sons “George”. Courtney and David Arquette managed to come up with “Coco Riley.” Slash thought “London” would be a good name. I suspect that model Elaine Irwin must be insane, because she allowed her husband John Mellencamp to follow “Speck Wildhorse” with “Hud”. It’s enough to think that celebrities should be required to go in for some counseling, drug detoxification, or (in George Foremen’s case) an MRI to determine possible brain damage before being allowed to put a name on a child’s birth certificate.
So, it is into this context that I offer the following exchange I had with Mrs. Geek last night:
ME: You know, I wonder how long it will be until some celebrity names their child ‘Thong’.
SHE: That’s it! No more input for you when it comes to naming our children!