We interrupt today’s entry for the following important announcement from Britney Spears:
Hi y’all, it’s Britney Spears! I just wanted to shout out to all my fans and let you all know that I’m about to announce my very own clothing line: b.s. fashions.
You’ll love hearing about how I got the idea — it’s a great story. I was going down to the local Walmart the other day with Jamie Lynn because baby A.J. was craving pork rinds and beef jerky and we were out (note to self: check the home servaillence cameras to see if Kevin or K-Fed or Cletus McK-Fed or whatever he calls himself is smoking pot in the house again.) I decided to get my sweet and sexy hubby to come along because, damn it, the boy needs some new manpris. Anyway, we get there and the store manager clears the place of customers (Thank you Mr. Anderson!) so Jamie Lynn and Felicia and I can shop a little while without, you know, being disturbed.
After a while, I notice that my oh-sexy-husband is nowhere to be found. I send Felicia off to find him, and when she comes back she says he’s talking to a salesgirl who works part time down at the local Hooters over at the CD counter. “That’s it!” I think, “No more spending money for him next month” and set off to speak to him myself. When I get there, I see that the girl is taking off her t-shirt (under which she’s wearing a pretty substantial sports bra) and handing him $20. As soon as he sees me, he says “Hey B., I was just about to come find you. Could you autograph this for Mary Eleanor, here?”
When we get back to the car, I started out by giving a cold stare and the silent treatment. Eventually, he said “What did I do???” I told him what he was doing, disrespecting fans. Then he said, “But B., that girl was going to pay $20 for a $4 Walmart t-shirt if was going to have your name on it!”
When I got home, I thought about what he said and I realized he was right — I need my own fashion line. That way people can pay all sorts of money to have stuff with my name on it. It’ll be quality stuff too… the best we can import from the finest clothiers and manufacturers from Guatemala and Mexico. I think we’ll have all kinds of cool stuff in the line too. You know, like neon-colored thong panties, big peasant blouses, and lots of biker leathers… and oh yeah, matching his and hers denim outfits like Just-er, whatshisname and I wore to that awards show.
I’ve even thought of a sales tag line:b.s. fashions
you’ll buy it ’cause I’m Britney
What do you think?
Well, Baby A.J. is craving deepfried Mars bars now… so I’ve got to go!