a big, blond, blue-eyed head

My son is many things to me, including a big head. I don’t mean that in the sense of a big ego (what fourteen month old has a huge ego, after all.) I mean that literally in the sense of macrocephaly — a skull with a big circumference. He’s always had it… we did some cleaning around the house this afternoon and we found a referral by Mrs. Geek’s OB/GYN for an additional ultrasound because she thought that his head size was large. That progressed to an ultrasound last March when he was about six months old because his pediatrician thought that his head size was large. Tomorrow we go to a local children’s hospital for the results of a CT scan because his head was in the 100th+ percentile for size at one year.

We’re not overly worried about this. He is asymptomatic. He’s meeting all his developmental milestones. The anesthesiologist who prepped him for the CT scan noted that his fontanelle was relaxed; the additional pressure of hydrocephaly generally makes it taut. The same doctor took a quick look at the scanned images and told us that while he is no expert, there was nothing obviously wrong (bulges, brightly hued masses, holes, etc…) with his head in his scans. More than that, my Mom tells me that I had a huge head when I was Baby Geek’s age — to the point that I had trouble learning how to move around and walk because my head was flopping around.

It will be nice when we (hopefully) can put this episode behind us.

Baby Geek is such a blessing to us. He is beautiful to me. He’s such a mild, happy kid.. at least most of the time. He looks at me with his blond hair and his blue eyes and I hope for him. I hope that we haven’t too badly messed up the world in which he has to grow up. I hope, not that his life will be easy, but that he will be able to face some of it with a stronger sense of security about himself than I seemed to have (looking back.)

People comment a lot about his blue eyes, like we shouldn’t have expected him to have them. I don’t know why. I have blue eyes. Mrs. Geek has blue eyes. If Baby Geek didn’t have blue eyes, there would be, as Ricky Ricardo used to say, “some e’splainin’ to do” on Mrs. Geek’s part.

The blond hair is very much a surprise to me. I have graying dark brown hair. My Dad has black hair. My Mom has chestnut brown hair. Mrs. Geek has red hair. I was figuring on a blue-eyed, dark-haired child. Mrs. Geek always used to say “none of our children are going to look like me”, figuring that our children would be dark haired and tall (Mrs. Geek is about 5’4″.) Surprise! Baby Geek has the honey blond hair of my Mom’s sister; blond is recessive to brunette, red is recessive to blond. Plus, while a few people say he definitely looks like me, many more say that he looks like Mrs. Geek’s Dad.

As I was saying before I was interrupted…

re·in·car·na·tion – noun \ˌrē-(ˌ)in-(ˌ)kär-ˈnā-shən\ – a fresh embodiment

What to say at a new beginning?

Perhaps it is best to start with why I stopped. I was burnt out. Almost five years into a blog, a year adjusting to a new home, a miscarriage, a depressing economic and political situation left me with the feeling that I had nothing new to say, at least nothing that anyone would want to hear. My head was full of thoughts and frustrations that seemed to play over and over again. If my mind was a broken record, why share the click of the jumping needle with you all?

Well then, why begin again? Much has happened in the last three or so years. I have a son, who is now just a little over a year old. I’ve worked for better part of two years on a software project that failed not because it was a bad idea, but because it was poorly executed in nearly every way imaginable. I feel that the last two years have been both a crucible and a prism, one burning away old notions of what I really want and the other acting both as a focus and the dispersion of spectra.

Aside from all that, I have a child, a young son. I want to better remember this time, both for him and for me. The process of migrating this diary from Diaryland to WordPress put me back in touch with events and recollections that are better part of a decade old. An age seems to have passed since then, and the details have become hazy. I have always been someone who prided himself on his ability to remember… but a diary is a witness that reminds how much can be forgotten.

After riding out a tempest for the last few years, I finally feel like my feet are on dry land again for however long. I feel like there is some space in my life for words and ideas. I have let some anger and frustration go. Other frustrations still remain — and I will be writing about them, no doubt. In between all that though, I feel like I have some space to breathe.

It is in that space that some words come to mind.

p.s. I migrated my entire Diaryland blog to WordPress so you may see it in its entirety. This process was something of a technical challenge, since few (if any) converters exist to perform the task. Google referred to one converter that could capture the contents of a Diaryland blog via RSS and save it in a format that can be imported into WordPress. That converter is no longer available.

I ultimately saved the contents of my blog using a backup tool available to Diaryland gold members. I then wrote a custom script that converted those saved contents into a WordPress RSS XML file. I mention this because the process is not perfect. The Diaryland text is here. The images are here. Comments and notes are not. The links between entries work. Some spaces may be missing, and the formatting may be a little rough in places. Links to elsewhere on the Internet may or may not work. You have been warned.