As the day of my wedding approaches, I finding the reality of that is starting to sink in. I will be married. Fiancee S. and I will be introduced as “Dr. and Mrs. Geek”. We will be a family unit, joined in body and soul in the eyes of God.
The other, phantom part of this whole marriage process which has up until now remained wholly unconsidered is the prospect of children. Why does one get married, if not to have children? Having kids is a part of my dream for my life that has always existed never seemed remotely real… except perhaps in early Catholic guilt-fed fantasies about the consequences of becoming sexually active. This was because I always assumed that marriage would come first and only then would children follow.
Well, I’m getting married less than five months from now. The major roadblock between me and thinking about children has been removed. Plus, I’ve been spending a lot more time with small children in the last year or so. I’m in that thirtysomething phase of my life where friends and relations of similar age are having children, I guess.
The prospect of fatherhood finally hit me in a real way a few days ago. I was thinking about a picture of myself taken over the Christmas holiday of me holding my cousin’s daughter Baby K. who will shortly become my goddaughter. In that moment, I thought about holding a child that was mine. I was briefly awed by the prospect that I would be responsible for bringing a new life into the world and then nurturing and guiding that life. It was a beatiful and scary thing… and thankfully something I don’t have to think of all at once. I know that Fiance S. and I will feel immensely blessed to have one or two happy and healthy children whenever they arrive… but we hope that will still be a couple years from now.
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